Any Last Words?
by silver tears and wasted fears
Summary: The members of glee reflect on their last words to Rachel, and the role each of them played in her death. Rated M for major character death and suicide.
1. Santana

**IMPORTANT A/N: Okay, so if any of you have read my previous one-shots, you would know that what I write is normally bubbly and funny and happy. Well, this isn't that. This is completely new for me, and I'll admit, it's probably not gonna be my best. I would still appreciate if you stuck with it though, because I felt like giving it a try. Also, I am willing to accept your criticisim but please many any and all criticism CONSTRUCTIVE. telling me something sucks isn't gonna mean anything if you don't tell me why. alright, well enough of that, on with the show (:**

**Disclaimer: Hell no, I don't own Glee. **

**Chapter One**

_Santana_

My last words to Berry? "Shut the fuck up, Midget. No one wants to listen to you."

I know, right. I'm such a _bitch. _She was going on and on about some idea for regionals. She was getting all enthusiastic with this fire in her eyes, saying how we could crush Vocal Adrenaline. So, I shut her down. Hard.

And I expected her to ignore me, and continue. Or make some comment about my vulgar languauge, or something, and then continue. But then, she just sort of sat there quietly, and I could see the fire in her eyes go out. I even considered saying sorry, for a seccond. But then I remembered, she's _Rachel Berry. _So I decided against it.

Is that when she decided? Is that when she made up her mind that there was nothing left on this Earth for her, and that she might as well kill herself? Because I told her that no one wanted to listen to her. Because, if it was, for God's sake it wasn't true. I wanted to listen to her. I wanted to know this amazing idea for Regionals. I'm just hardwired to be a bitch, I can't really control myself. That was one of the things Berry and I had in common. Lack of impulse control. We both say the first thing that comes to our mind, no holding back. The weird thing is, I'm praised for it, and she was ridiculed. Shut down.

Maybe if I had just said sorry, just let that light grow back in her eyes, she'd still be here. I wouldn't watch them lower some black casket six feet under. I expected it to be covered in gold stars. Something like her.

But no, this isn't like her at all.

Berry and I were so much a like, and if we ever both got rid of our pride, we probably could have been great friends, but because I'm such a fucking bitch, I made that light die in her eyes. If only I had just said sorry, she would be here right now.

It's my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: How was that? Too bad? I know it probably didn't make you cry, even though I wanted it to, but that's okay, I'm still working on it. Next chapter: Brittany. Man, that's gonna be hard to. The only easy one will be Puck, but I'm saving that for last (: So, I would really love your constructive criticism or just comments in general, in a review! They mean a lot to me. (I know my author notes are probably longer than the actual fic, but you're gonna just have to deal with it.)**


	2. Brittany

**A/N: Hey guys! I got a great reaction to the last chapter. Only a few reviews, but a lot of story alerts. So, I guess I did okay? Now, Brittany doesn't say much, so I'm taking a **_**lot**_** of liberties here by delving into her mind. Just... bear with me, kay? **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, would I be writing some fanfic about it? Fuck no. **

**Chapter Two**

_Brittany_

I couldn't tell you the last thing I said to Rachel Berry. It was a long time ago. I don't talk to her much. But, Sanny said that Rachel Berry is a loser, and I listened. I don't really see what's wrong with her, I mean sure she talks a lot but so does Mercedes. Besides, she has an amazing voice! Well- I guess, had...

I try not to think too much about Rachel since... The thing is, I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks I am. People sort of just assumed me to be since I was blonde and a cheerleader and I just kind of accepted that. I just kind of... played my part. The only approval I really need is Santana's and she loves me for me, so that's okay. So, I notice things. I notice how lately Rachel didn't seem like herself. How everytime a mean comment was made she broke just a little more inside. I can't say I really blame her for finally doing what she did. I just wish I had done something.

When Santana made that comment, about no one liking her, I almost wanted to pipe up and say that I liked her, that she wasn't so bad. But, I would never go against what Santana said. We were already a little on the outs as it is. I feel like if I had done that, if I had shown her that Puck wasn't the only one in glee that cared for her, that she might still be here right now.

I don't know what the last words I said to Rachel were. I know what I wish they would have been. I wish I would have said "Rachel Berry, I like you. You're not bad at all. Sure, your fashion sense isn't amazing but the great thing about it is that it has always been _you. Rachel Berry. _And no one could ever take that away from you. I see you start to cry sometimes, and it makes me sad, because you don't deserve to cry, honey, no one does. You're smart, and talented, determined, and sure of yourself. And you're the one person who without a doubt will make it out of this town. But, just if you keep holding on. Only if you keep trying. Don't let their words and their slushys get to you, don't give up. You can do it, Rachel. Just hold on."

And hopefully if I said that, they wouldn't have had to been my last words to her.

But, I didn't say that. I kept my mouth shut and didn't say one word. And now here she is, six feet under. And suddenly San and I are both sobbing and I'm holding on to her for dear life like I'm never gonna let go and I just know that we're thinking the same thing.

I'm not the smartest person, but I am sure of one thing.

It's my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: So, I know that one was kind of... weird. Very weird. It wasn't really all that sad, a little peppy almost. But, I can't really picture Brittany being full out sad. And I understand that at the end I used present tense because I wanted it to be like- she wasn't really believing it, but then it sunk in. I also do think that this is slighty possible- the whole Brittany not being all that stupid thing. Anyway, I'm sorry if this was such a sucky chapter. I do feel that it was slighty possible, I don't know. Anyway, review! I love to hear from you! And the more reviews I get, the more encouraged to write I am. **


	3. Quinn

**Chapter Three**

_Quinn_

The last words I said to Rachel Berry? "Oh, I'm so sorry."

You're probably thinking that's good right. That, at least, after all this time, I apologized. But-no. I was being _sarcastic. _I was mocking her.

I had just ordered Karofsky to slushy her. I'm not even sure why. I never even really had a problem with Rachel. Sure, she was kind of annoying, but _everyone's_ annoying. I think the real reason I always picked on her is because I saw something in her. Saw something I so badly wanted to see in myself. I saw that she would get the hell out of this good-for-nothing cow town and actually make something of herself. I wanted to so badly, but I just knew that that wouldn't be me. That could never be me.

So, I tormented her. I slushied her, and called her names, and basically was the biggest _bitch_ to her that you could possibly be. I systematically destroyed Rachel Berry.

I had just ordered Karofsky to slushy her. And, I walked into the bathroom to torment her some more as she cleaned up, and was shocked at the sight. She was crying. Rachel never _ever_ cried when someone slushied her. She always acted so brave and handled them with such grace. She was a much weaker girl than we thought. I was thrown of guard when I saw this, but because I stupidly needed to protect my Head Bitch In Charge status, I just had to prod. So I teased her.

"What, are you gonna cry? Little baby's gonna cry just because she got some slushy on her? Please." I spat with venom.

And, instead of coming up with some sort of crafty comeback like she normally would, or simply ignoring me, she burst into hysterics. She was crying so hard I thought she would make herself sick, and then she yelled at me. And her words twisted deep into me like knives.

"Why do you do this to me?" She screamed, her body shaking with the force of her sobs. "Why do you hurt me and tease me and put me down? I don't like this. I don't like being made fun of and being the biggest loser in school. I know I can be a little overbearing but I'm- I'm a _nice person. _I've tried so hard to be nice for you. When you were pregnant, I helped you out. I gave Jacob Ben Israel my _underwear_ all to protect you. I thought that you would accept me and that the torture would stop. But no, my drycleaning bill is still through the roof and I still come home everyday sobbing into my pillow. What's wrong with me? What about me is so ugly or mean or bad or horrible or annoying or rude that you just have to pick away at me until I break? Because, I can't take this any longer. I'm gonna break soon!"

The speech shocked me. It had all this pent up frustration and depression I had never seen in Rachel. She basically told me that she was going to committ suicide soon. That this was all too much for her. This was her reaching out. I could have said- _should _have said that I would stop and that I was sincerely sorry. That she wasn't that bad and all sorts of other things that were completely true. But then, I remembered how it felt to get hit with that cold, squishy, liquid. A feeling that Rachel had e_veryday,_ and I knew I didn't want to risk it.

So, I said, "Oh, I'm just _so sorry." _Rolled my eyes, and walked out of the room.

Now, I'm standing here in all black, watching as her dad collapses on the ground in pain, and I know that I could have stopped this. She was reaching out, she needed someone, and that someone could have been me. I could have stopped her from putting that gun to her head.

Instead, I shut her down cold. I rejected her. I hurt her that one last time.

And now there is one realization I have come to that I would give up my head cheerleading status and my popularity and would be willing to take a slushy everyday just for it to not be true:

It's my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: So, I'm pretty sure I enjoyed that one. I think it was okay. Probably didn't make you cry, but it doesn't really need too I think, to hit that emotional level. Now, PLEASE review because hearing from you guys really makes me update that much faster. Thanks!**


	4. Mercedes

**Chapter Four**

_Mercedes_

My last words to Rachel Berry? "Rachel, just give it up. I have more talent than you in my pinky than you do in your entire body."

Now, the old Rachel would have realized I was lying. She probably would have laughed and said something about how ridiculous that was. She would have noticed and pointed out that I was just jealous.

But, that- that _new _Rachel, just nodded her head. Defeated. I saw a single tear slip down her face and she just turned her head away, not fighting for the solo that she desperately wanted.

And, for some reason that filled me with some sick sense of pride.

I'm not a bad chick, really. I have great style. I'm pretty nice when people need be. I'm confident with my body, and my personality. But, for some reaoson, whenever it came to Rachel Berry, I just transformed. I went from this amazing Mercedes I could be into this total _bitch._ I was always so rude to her, just because she talked a little too much. So what? She didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated her.

I think it was because she was better than me. I saw it. Everyone knew it. But, no one wanted to admit it. She was better than all of us, and no one wanted to admit that Rachel Berry- the girl who got a slushy facial every single day would go on to Broadway or L.A. or whatever the fuck she wanted because she's Rachel Barbara Berry and she could leave all us Lima losers in the dust. The fact of me not reaching my fabulous potential and being left behind? Not something I wanted to admit. So, I pretended. I pretended that Rachel wasn't nearly as good as she thought she was, definitley not better than me. I put her down about her voice, her wardrobe, her personality. I picked at every little thing that I could. It built me up. It made me feel better about myself, more important. If only I had known that she was just deteriorating away at every little comment I made.

Funny, I'm supposed to be one of the nice ones.

I should have been nicer to her. She never really did anything to me. In fact, she even tried so hard to rally around and help out my boy, Kurt. If it were anyone else, I would be eternally grateful.

But, it was Rachel Berry. I just couldn't be.

I'm standing here, at her funeral. I know that if Rachel were here she would be going on and on about how my fabulous outfit was just not somber enough for such a depressing event.

I'm going to miss that.

It's my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: Well, that was hard to write. I tried really hard to channel the fabulous personality of Mercedes into it, but it's hard, because it's just such a sad topic to write about. To **_**think about. **_**I honestly can't even begin to think about how Mercedes would react in such a situation. Anyway, I love all the feedback I'm getting for this story, you guys are amazing. There are a lot of you alerting, and yet, only a few reviews ): I would really appreciate if one of you would take your time and just drop a little love! Or hate. But it has to be constructive hate. There will be five more chapters to this story. I'm not including all the members of glee, just the key players in Rachel's life. **

**OH, p.s. Directly after this I will be starting a new multi-chap puckleberry story. It will be called "Sweet, Summer Berry". So, I hope you guys will check that out!**


	5. Kurt

**Chapter Five**

_Kurt_

My last words to Rachel Berry? "Don't worry, Diva, I'll make it up to you."

We had begun a friendship, since Sectionals. It was nice. I needed a friend while I struggled to find my place at Dalton and she just... well, she needed any friend she could get to be honest. Now that we were no longer competing, a beautiful friendship could finally emerge.

We had made plans to go to "Karaoke Night" at the rollerskating rink. She was so excited, I could tell. She never really had a friend she could hang out with before. It was always just a boyfriend, and she was never really herself around Finn.

But, right before that, Blaine asked me out. On a real date. Finally. It was what I had been waiting for. So, I didn't even hesitate to cancel on her. I figured that there would be a diva-esque freakout but no, she took it with surprising grace. Maybe, after I said that, she realized what she thought she had to do.

And, I'll never get to make it up to her.

Ironically enough, our plans were for the night she committed... I can't even say it. That word. About _Rachel?_ It's just not right. I wonder if I hadn't cancelled; If I had reminded her that I did care about her, would she still be here right now?

I think the answer is yes.

It kills me to think that while I was splitting cheese fries with Blaine, that she was writing a note. While I was watching Wicked with him, she was putting a gun to her head. And while Blaine and I shared our first kiss, she was pulling the trigger.

I'm gay. I used to be the only out gay boy at my school. And even then, the bullying I recieved never amounted to the bullying she did. I was teased, but never in glee. Glee was my sanctuary, where all I felt was love. She on the other hand, didn't have a safe place, except her home. And I think that's what drove her to the gun.

It was my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: Uh, that killed me. I hate thinking that their nice little friendshp was done so soon! But I have something important to say: I have been getting a lot of reviews that have like suggestions or reminders and while I really appreciate your help, I kind of already know what I'm doing with this story. There will be four more chapters: Mr. Schue, Finn, Puck, and then one from everybody. I will not have any of the other Glee characters because I do not see enough Rachel interactions for me to actually draw a conclusion of what they might say. I'm sorry, but there will not be a chapter for anyone speaking at her funeral. Maybe, I'll make some sort of a companion fic later, but as for now, that's all it will be. **


	6. Mr Schuester

**Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, why the hell would I be writing some fanfic?**

**Chapter Six**

_Mr. Schuester_

My last words to Rachel Berry? "You get all the solos, Rachel. It's time to give someone else a try."

That wasn't true. That was _always_ an excuse, I used. Telling her she got all the solos, when in actuality, it seemed I took almost every other one away from her. I hadn't given her a solo in months.

I think she might have even... stopped singing. I think she was just mouthing the words. What kind of world is it where Rachel Berry _stops singing?_ What kind of world is it where she couldn't count on the one thing that was always an escape to even be there for her anymore?

We're never gonna get to hear Rachel's voice again.

Singing was her escape. Singing was the only thing she felt that she was good at. Any girl who looked hard, could see that she was just an insecure teenage girl struggling to find her way. Just an insecure girl who needed a friend, needed help, needed someone to be there for her. Yeah, she could be a little concieted about singing, but Goddamn it, she _deserved_ it. Anyone with half a brain could see that Rachel Berry had the voice of an angel.

I hope she is one, where she is now.

I was a teacher. I was a role model. I was supposed to look out for Rachel. The other kids in Glee... they made rude comments about her. All the time. I should have stopped it. I just figured Rachel could handle it herself. I wanted to be the "cool guy". I didn't want to get involved.

Every time I turned a blind eye, she just inched one step closer towards her death.

It pains me to say this but it's true:

It's my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: That... wasn't my bed. It's hard to get into the complex mind that is the Schue, ya know? I hope I did okay. SO, I know I said that when I'm done with this I'll be putting out a multi-fic called "Sweet, Summer Berry". Buut, I came up with another fic that will come out shortly after this called "Of Ringpops, Krispy Kreme, and Love". It will be Puckleberry (: So, review! As always (: **


	7. Finn

**Chapter Seven**

_Finn_

My last words to Rachel? I said "I'm sorry, I just don't love you anymore."

Which was such **bullshit. **I loved her. I still do. I love her so much it just hurts. It hurts so much because I have all that love and she's just not here anymore. She killed herself. She's gone. And now she'll never know how I truly felt about her.

I realized I was being a hypocrite with the whole Puck thing. I kissed Rachel _twice_ while I was dating Quinn and that was before I even knew about Puck being the father. And Rachel... I made her feel insecure. She didn't feel like she was enough. And, Puck did that. Puck could always do that.

I was just... **pissed. **It just made me so mad that I've only ever loved two girls, and I drove both of them into Puck's arms. I'd rather act like there was something wrong with them then think that it was something _I _did. But it was.

I never made Rachel feel like she was enough. I told her I loved her _in spite of_ her craziness. I didn't listen to her. I rolled my eyes at her. I chose popularity over her time and time again and then she made one little mistake, and I couldn't take her back? I loved her. I love her.

I should have told her how she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, that she is so funny even when she doesn't mean to be, that I _love_ how she lights up when she's talking about something she loves, that I love her crazy, how her voice could make me forget any problems I had because it was just so beautiful, and that I love how even though everyone stomped all over her, she just ignored them and kept getting back up again.

But, none of those things are true anymore. Because she's gone and she's never coming back. I always made her feel like she wasn't enough and then when I told her I couldn't take her back, that I just didn't love her anymore? I made her feel like she was _nothing. _She thought no one would care if she were gone but I care, I care so much and it kills me. I'm left with a broken heart but I left Rachel with so much worse.

It was my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: Only two chapters left! Puck and then one from everybody. I'm excited for Puck. I'm going to talk about who found her and what the note said. I'm probably gonna cry writing it because Puck is just... :( Anyway, review please! **


	8. Puck

**Chapter Eight**

_Puck _

My last words to Rachel were "Hey, are you okay?"

She nodded her head yes. And, I saw a tear slip down her cheek, but I was running late to football and the later I was the harder Beiste would be on me so I kissed her temple and ran away.

During football, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. Then, I remembered that her Dads were out of town (are they ever _in_ _town?_) and just had this... feeling. I knew that she shouldn't be alone. So I ignored the Beiste ranting as I cut out early and went after her. Berry's house is 30 minutes away from the school.

I got there in seven.

I ran up to her house and knocked on the door frantically and just kept knocking and knocking and then I heard a deafening bang.

I don't know what I thought the bang was, but I knew it couldn't be good so I took the spare key that I knew was hidden under the mat and rushed up to her room.

I don't know what I thought the bang was, but I definitely did not think it was a gun shot.

I found her, Rachel, _my Rachel, _curled up on the floor. Lying in a pool of her own blood. Her fingers were limply curled around a pistol in one hand and she had a small note in the other.

_I would say I'm sorry, but since none of you cared, I guess there isn't really anything to be sorry for. _

I curled her up in my arms and held her so tightly. It must have taken me at least six times to dial 911 on my phone, I was trembling so hard.

I knew it was no use though, she was gone.

_He was five years old when he fell in love with Rachel. He was sitting outside of Temple on the curb while his mom talked to some lady about his dad. He didn't want to hear about him so he grabbed his little sister's crib and rolled her out to the curb. Suddenly he saw a girl with brown hair and brown eyes wearing a plaid skirt, knee socks, and an argyle sweater. He fell in love with those brown eyes and knew in his little five year old mind that he would never be able to live his life without her. For the rest of his life he always stays connected with her. Whether it was kissing her (they were each other's first) or him throwing Slushys, he just has to be connected to her somehow. He thought she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. That never changed. _

I've been in love with her for thirteen years and now she's gone and I'm never gonna get to tell her I love her. I love everything about her. I love how she only sees the best in people, I love how she is the only one to see the best in _me, _I love how she calls me Noah and not Puck, I love how my mom and sister love her, I love how she's the only girl who could dress like a preschooler and look hot doing it, how she puts so much passion into everything she does, how she has such high hopes and dreams for the future, and so many more things that I can't list because it would just never end.

But I hate her. I hate her so fucking much. Because she _left me._ How could she think I didn't care. How could she not realize that I was in love with her? I hate her for taking the one ray of light in my life away from me. I hate her for not talking to me and letting me make things better. I hate her so fucking much because I love her and I'll never _get_ to love her. I hate that despite the fact that she selfishly took herself, the one thing I loved so much, away from me but I'll never ever ever ever be able to hate her. Never.

She was the best thing in my world. She was my world. I could have stopped this. I could have just skipped football practice that day and went to her house. I could have curled up with her while she wore her pink snuggie and watched Funny Girl or whatever chick shit she wanted because she was my _world._ I should have done all of that but I didn't. Now I never can.

I'm at her funeral and I'm not really sure when I fell to the knees but I'm sobbing so hard that I can't fucking breathe. It's the pussiest thing I could possibly be doing but I don't give a shit because Rachel deserved it. Fuck, she deserved this and so much more. I could have stopped this, I should have stopped this, but I didn't. I'm never gonna have a chance to again.

It was my fault. I killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on my hands.

**A/N: So, there it is. Puck's chapter. There's one more chapter left, but this feels like the end. When I first wrote this I was incredibly satisfied with it. I thought I did a really good job and that I was able to capture their relationship. But then I stumbled upon the amazingness that is close the book, take my soul by beyond-the-twilight (you NEED to read it) and read Puck's chapter and I was just like "Wow, mine sucks." But still, review. Only one more chapter which is like just one from all of their points of view. REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW! I love hearing from you (: **


	9. Everyone

**A/N: So, this it. The final chapter. It's not really anything special. SUPER DUPER short. More of a wrap up really. Long author's note at the end. **

We're all at fault for Rachel Berry. We can deny it as much as we want, but it's on us.

Everytime we called her a name.

Everytime we brushed her off.

Every slushy we threw.

Every time we stood by and let her get tormented.

Each one of those times, we twisted a knife a little bit deeper in her heart. The truth is? Rachel Berry, the _real_ Rachel Berry. She was dead a long time before she put a bullet through her skull.

'Cause we killed her.

It was our fault. We killed Rachel Berry. And her death will forever be on our hands.

**A/N: OKAY, so this is the first multi-chapter fic I have ever ever finished. WHOOO! I'm actually really happy with the way it turned out. And it wouldn't have happened without all of you! This is dedicated to: Twilight Gleek, kkcnelson2002, YoursForeverXx, Gleeksupport, Night of Dreams, ScorpioP, ****cytopathological expansionist, tigertaz, Lily887787, KiKiKaKes, Kate7148, ChickinCT, Jimmy Neutron, NorthernLights25and kaycedilla2011. All of you are **_**amazing**_** and really helped me out. Plus, all of you who had me on your story alerts or added this to your favorites. I truly LOVE you guys. Now, I'm soon going to embark on another multi-chapter fic. It will be puckleberry. This is a working title because I'm not sure if I like it but it'll probably be called "Ringpops, Krispy Kreme, and Love." And here's the summary: "Puck thought he was just telling Finn a story about Ringpops, Krispy Kreme, and swingsets. But, really? He was telling a story about love."**

**So, that should be up within the next week (probably). So again, thank you guys **_**sooo**_** much! You have all been truly amazing. I love the glee fandom :D You rock!**


	10. companion fic

Just wanted to let you guys know that I wrote a companion one-shot to this story about Rachel's thoughts when she committed suicide. It's titled "The Dreams In Which I'm Dying". GO READ IT.


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